Two of many conversations had at a party on Saturday that make eye contact for all involved difficult on Monday.

1.
Devin: Hiya.
You know I met Sean like 7 minutes ago and there are few people I've liked more immediately.

Me: Yeah, a lot of people say that. Sometimes I catch him rehearsing for first impressions in the mirror. That's why.

Devin: Nooooo. I read his email you forwarded for the party and he's so funny and wordy. I like his wordiness, he uses big words and he's so FUNny! Like it almost makes me think, "is Jess really funny or is she just around Sean a lot?"

Me: Thanks, Devin.

Devin: And, well, he was telling me he's trying to get you to marry him. SO DO IT! Jess. Do it. I'm not kidding, Jess. Seriously. Marry Sean. ASAP! I just totally know you should do it.

Me: Yeah, I'm thinking about it. Just like I've been thinking about the same tatoo for the past 4 years. If I married him, he'd be around for a long time. Like a tatoo. Or Herpes. All chronic things, really. But he does make me laugh every day. Meg (his wife) was saying the same thing about you.

Devin: I know. Did you see Meg has a tatoo? I never thought I'd marry a girl with a tattoo. I don't know why. Anyway...

pause.

pause.

ok, pausing still because that was kind of a serious heart-to-heart.

Me: Ok, thanks Devin.

Devin: No prob. Later.

2.
Jeremy: Never have I ever (insert wildly raunchy act illegal in 12 states and possibly only documented in German porn...not that I've seen it, but I'm sure it's "wonderbar").

Me: (drinks absent mindedly while everyone hoots and points. I try to explain) No! I was just thirsty right then! I wasn't thinking! No!

Everyone else at the Kings card table: Suuuuuure.