I received an email at work this morning. This is my dream response to it:
Dear Dr. Dalton,
Please find my responses in bold below.
Hello, hi, butthead,
I declined to review this manuscript after recieving IT’S I BEFORE E EXCEPT AFTER C, IDIOT an email voicing the opinion of being "very disappointed" in my inability to review this paper in a timely manner, and that I am "ignoring" professional reminders. BUT YOU WERE UNABLE AND YOU WERE IGNORING- YOU'VE HAD THE PAPER FOR A MONTH! DO YOU READ ONE WORD PER HOUR? Rather than prolong the editor's agony AGONY? UGH. I HATE HYPERBOLE MORE THAN DEATH and to continue to promote extreme EXTREME? AGAIN, I HATE IT WITH THE STRENGTH OF A THOUSAND BURNING SUNS disappointment, I felt it best to decline to review this manuscript.WHERE'S YOUR SENSE OF COMMITMENT, WIMP? I HATE YOUR GUTS.
William S. Dalton, Ph.D., M.D., LOSER
Worst regards possible,
Jessica
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